True Confessions Of An Online Dating Addict

On Dating and Writing About Dating While Dating...

2010-08-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

People always used to ask me, "Aren't you worried that guys won't want to go out with you because you write about your dates?"
First of all, I never told anyone that I wrote about dating. (Duh) Secondly, I didn't publish anything till three months later, - and they were never identifiable.
But most of the guys I went out with weren't the types to read what I wrote - which, now that I think about it, was kind of a problem (doncha think?). They either didn't read the paper I was writing for (ie, not connected to my community) or didn't google me (not connected to reading and writing).
Only twice did it seem to affect me: once, a guy I'd gone out with called to complain that I'd ranked on Republicans in one of my columns (I said they were not eligible for me) and he thought I was talking about him. Another person I was set up with never called me (which was unusual because usually a guy would have to go out with me a few times in order to not call me) and it was because he read my column.
The REAL question is...how many people did I never meet because of what I wrote.
Tomorrow I'll tell you about the one that almost got away...

TMI=No Boyfriend?

2010-08-12T10:37:00.000-07:00

I learned a lot about myself when I started writing a book about my dating life. See, when I would just write about my dates right away -- usually the next morning, even though I wouldn't publish it until a few months later -- it was more of a way to either work something through (why didn't he call?) or to get something off my chest like why men don't like smart girls. (They do, just not smart-mouthed).
But I didn't learn much, I don't think, from writing those columns. Even though I think plenty of people learned stuff about me that I didn't know myself. (That phrase can be taken in two ways).
But in writing the long form -- as most novelists know -- in following my "character" (me) through all her adventures, all I could think about myself was:what the HELL was I thinking?
Did I really think the guy who tried cocaine before our first date was going to be my husband? Why did the guy from Nashville never let me visit him? What the hell is a rich backpacker doing staying at a hostel with bedbugs?
And on and on these ridiculous stories go.
They really did make great stories...and now, a few years later, I see that might have been the problem. Even though I didn't start that way, I might have been more interested in the story than my dating life.
Yes, Carrie from Sex in the City managed to write about her dating life and actually meet the man of her dreams. But that was fiction. Someone else was writing her story while she was living it. (Okay acting it.)
Was writing about my dating life ruining it?

Welcome Back, Blogger

2010-08-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

I have dated everyone in the world. I started dating at 19 for the ostensible purpose of marriage (religious upbringing) but that clearly didn't work out, as almost 20 years later (gulp!) I was still single. In between that time, internet dating arrived, became popular, and now, I think, may have jumped the shark -- or at least regained its rightful place among the pantheon of all dating options. (Yes, there are other dating options.)

I used to write about dating. I used to write for MSN, Match.Com , The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles about my thoughts about dating in general, and then, more often than not -- about my own dating life in particular -- like the guy who talked about himself in the third person, the guy who told me I was too closed, the one who forgot he already went out with me.

Funny stuff, most of the time, if I may say so myself. So funny, in fact, I turned them into the illustrated dating column here that ran for a week for six months. I then started writing a graphic novel trying to sum up all over my dating life in 120 pages.

I learned something funny.

Writing about dating might not have been helping my dating life.

(More on this subject to come)

1. The End of the Affair

2008-12-20T01:00:00.000-08:00

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Introducing "True Confessions of an Online Dating Addict."
Amy has just ended a long-term relationship. She is depressed. She is eating a lot.
Do you get depressed when you end relationships? How do you cope?

2. Don't Do It!

2008-12-19T02:00:00.000-08:00

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This week, our heroine is forced to return to the world of Dun, Dun, Dun!... Online Dating.
Do you take breaks from online dating? Does it overwhelm you?

3. Promises, Schmomises

2008-12-18T03:00:00.000-08:00

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This week Amy frantically tries to man juggle. Online dating may as well be a full-time job :)
Do you have any strategies for dating online? (Can you send us your excel spreadsheet?)

4. A Picture's Not Worth 1,000 Words

2008-12-17T04:00:00.000-08:00

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Amy has been duped by an online photo. Why, oh why, do people put up old photos? Or skinnier photos? Or taller photos? Don't they know we will find the truth?

Have you ever been duped by a photo? Or are all photos bound to disappoint?

5. Love at First Byte

2008-12-16T08:00:00.000-08:00

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Amy feels chemistry online...she is sure she has met "The One." The one what is what she should have asked.

Have you ever built up an online date in your mind to be "The One?"

6. Nice Guys Finish Last

2008-12-15T07:39:00.000-08:00

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Amy meets Tom. He's got a big house and a big...stomach -- which she can't stomach. Do you have any physical traits you can't deal with?

7. Meet The Parents

2008-12-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

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To understand me at all I suppose you have to know where I come from...

8. Snappy Answers To Stupid (Dating) Questions

2008-12-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

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With Apologies to MAD magazine we present AMY's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.
Please add your own!

#9: Sunrise, Sunset

2008-12-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

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Do two half-Jews make a whole?
Ahhh, the joys of internet dating.
How do you decide between people? Does religion matter?

#10 - Mixing Metaphors

2008-12-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

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Dating is like...
Like a dance? Like an investment? It's like something. Yeeha!

#11: Bachelor Number One

2008-12-10T08:00:00.000-08:00

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Amy walks into a bar...
What's the best place for a first date?

#12: Breaking News! Breaking News!

2008-12-09T08:00:00.000-08:00

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The Kiss...!
What does kissing say about a person?

#13 -Bachelor Number Two

2008-12-08T08:00:00.000-08:00

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Amy's first date with Jeremy!
When it clicks, it clicks. How do you know when something clicks on a date?

#14 - The Morning After

2008-12-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

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Amy had a good time on her date...or did she? How do you spend the morning after?

#15: If You Can't Be With the One You Love...?

2008-12-06T10:08:00.000-08:00

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...Should you love the one you're with or hold out for a hero?

#16: Is Amy Falling in Love?

2008-12-05T15:08:00.000-08:00

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Amy goes on a "Marathon Date" with Jeremy while Jon is still in the running. Do you "double dip" I mean, date?

#17:The Art of Love

2008-12-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

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Who is going to win this race for love? Jon takes Amy to an art gallery and she finally sees his true colors.

#18: The Pregnant Pause

2008-12-03T08:00:00.000-08:00

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Things are getting aaaawkward.

#19 Oops! I did it again...

2008-12-02T10:30:00.000-08:00

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Dear Diary...

Why does everyone leaving a relationship have to prove the other person's issues?

#20: Meet Your Maker

2008-12-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

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At the end of our 20-week run, Amy (and Amber) take a bow.

Fear not, soon there will be a graphic novel of all of Amy's online dating adventures! Be sure to check back in as we will be posting updates on the journey from creation to publication of "True Confessions of An Online Dating Addict: An Illustrated Memoir."

We are so excited!